Home Again
by Robyn Hood
Summary: A young Kurt Wagner is rescued from Amos Jardine's freak show by his family. AU Rated T for violence and disturbing content.
1. Chapter 1

Margali Szardos and her two children Stefan and Jimaine carefully and quietly opened the small entrance gate. No one was supposed to be going into the circus, but these three didn't care. They weren't here to see the show.

The grounds were quiet and dark, save for the occasional security officer, making his nightly rounds. It occurred to the small group of tresspassers that they probably should have waited and watched the security routine so they wouldn't get caught, but they didn't have the time. Their reason was urgent.

"Over here," Stefan called in a tight whisper. "I think I've found him!" He waved his mother and sister over to him and their destination.

A cage stood in front of a small, makeshift ring. Posters adorned the surrounding surfaces.

"COME SEE THE BLUE DEVIL!"

"ALIVE!"

"BORN WITH BLUE FUR AND A TAIL!"

Crude renderings of a blue-furred, three-fingered creature with glowing yellow eyes, vicious fangs, and a spaded tail accompanied the garish claims.

Margali stopped short, sickened, with a hand over her heart. A short gasp escaped her lips, but she pressed on. He needed her.

Other, less colorful signs decorated the cage.

"DO NOT FEED ANIMALS."

"KEEP ARMS AND HANDS OUT OF CAGE."

Jimaine voiced her disgust, hatred for the circus owner and workers dripping from every syllable. "He is no animal." She seethed.

The three closed in on the cage and peered inside. The smell almost drove them back, but they were needed. They could not leave him.

A dark figure lay in a heap on the floor of the cage, a chain leash snaking away from the body and to a bar towards the back. There was no movement, no sound but that of the flies buzzing around the lifeless body.

Margali grasped the bars and pressed her face against them. "Kurti?" Her voice was barely audible. "Kurti, Baby, can you hear me?"

"Kurt," Stefan tried a little louder. "Come on, man, get up."

Still no response.

Margali took out her wand, which was more of a short staff, and murmured a few incantations in preparation. The jewel on top glowed in an eerie green light, casting ghoulish complexions on all those present. "Mami's going to get you out of there, Kurti. Don't you worry." She murmured, even though she knew he couldn't hear her.

Stefan and Jimaine turned to watch for intruders while their mother worked, both ready for a fight. The light and the noise of what their mother was about to do might draw attention, and they had to be ready.

Margali raised the glowing jewel to her lips and slowly blew on it, causing green sparks to jump away and fall to the ground, where their enchanted lights died. Carefully, she touched it to the lock on the cage door. The light transferred to the lock, which glowed only faintly at first, then brighter as more light flowed through. It began to rattle, the shake violently as it was overwhelmed by the mysterious energy, and finally, it exploded with a clang.

Margali swung open the door, gathered up her skirt, and stepped into the cage. She couldn't stand straight up, but she made her way forward to the heap on the ground. She held her breath as she passed the corner by the door that was obviously the poor boy's bathroom.

Using the wand as a torch, she squatted down to find where the chain was attached to the boy's collar, but couldn't resist running her hand down his downy side. "Oh, my poor baby boy." She lamented, gazing at his still form. She moved her hand to feel his stomach rising and falling, but his normally soft fur was filthy and matted. He was cold to the touch, but didn't shiver. It worried her.

Getting back to the task at hand, she saw the light of her wand reflected from a thick, metal collar. "You poor thing." She murmured, working to insert a finger beneath it. She couldn't. It was too tight.

She hesitated in freeing him, wondering how she was going to get the collar off. It was locked around his neck and wouldn't budge. She couldn't destroy it, as she had done with the lock. Kurt was too close. She decided to try something else.

She brought the jewel to her lips once more and recited another incantation, then dragged a fingernail across the top of it in a line. Next, she gently glided the apex of the jewel along with the collar in a vertical line. The small line shared the same faint glow that the lock first had.

Margali repeated the process, drawing the line on the collar with the jewel, causing the light to grow a little more each time. This would take a bit longer than the lock, but it was safer for her son.

After what seemed to her and her kids an eternity, the line of green light shone brightly. Margali tapped the collar with the jewel and the line broke open.

But she still had to get it off.

She rubbed the jewel around the entire collar, positioning Kurt's head so she could access all sides. Again, it took much, much longer than she would have liked, but now that the whole collar glowed green, she bent it away from the boy's neck as if it were made of rubber.

Kneeling, pulled her son's still body into her lap. "Kurti, Baby, wake up. You've got to wake up, my love." She patted his cheek in an effort rouse him, but to no avail. She looked around and spotted a bowl of water, leaning over and dipping her fingers in. She shook the droplets of water onto his face.

He awoke with a start, then noticing he was being held, looked up to see whose lap he was in. His eyes widened at the sight of his mother.

Margali smiled down at him, choking back tears. She finally had him back. "Hey there, Kurti." She brushed a hand down his cheek.

"Mami?" Kurt whispered, his mouth too dry to speak. She couldn't be real. This had to be a dream or a hallucination from the drugs.

"Yes, Kurti, it's Mami. Mami's here, Liebling. Mami's right here and she's going to take you home." She pushed his shaggy hair from his face. He needed it cut. "Now let's get you out of here, hmmm?" She knew he was probably aching for water first, but the water in the bowl looked dirty and she didn't want him drinking it. He could wait. "Can you walk?"

He nodded, maneuvering himself to "stand" on all fours. He followed her to the door, where Stefan helped him to the ground. He immediately resumed his position on all fours.

"Kurti, can you stand, Liebling?" Margali asked him.

Kurt's foggy brain slowly realized that he didn't have to walk on all fours. He blushed as he rose to his feet. She and Stefan both took an arm to help him up, then put his arms around their shoulders to help him walk. Kurt was weak and saying on his feet. His tail was dragging the muddy ground, so Jimaine picked it up.

Kurt looked back when he felt his tail being handled. Anxiety shot through him as visions of being yanked away from his family and dragged back to his cage filled his clouded mind. The sight of Jimaine relaxed him. He was still safe, and he was going home.

He started walking with his family when he realized there was no chain. How long had it been since he'd walked without a leash or his chain? He rolled his neck to check for the collar. It was gone as well.

"Come on now," Margali coaxed him gently as they exited the circus grounds.

3


	2. Chapter 2

The four made it to a navy four-door sedan and Kurt was helped into the back. Jimaine slid in next to him while Margali took the driver's seat and Stefan next to her. Jimaine buckled Kurt.

He laid his head on the headrest behind him, still sluggish and tired from his nighttime dosage of drugs. "We're going home now?" He croaked, still feeling strange about talking again. He was never allowed to do so in the freak show.

Margali put as many miles between them and Amos Jardine's trafficking circus as possible. "We're going to a hotel first. Home is a bit far away." She didn't tell him that "home" was going to be somewhere much different than he remembered. He didn't need that right now.

Kurt just nodded, a solution for his dry mouth and apprehensiveness about speaking, but still a form a communication.

Jimaine brushed his hair back from his face and guided him to lay his head on her shoulder. It was obvious that he was tired.

It wasn't that much longer, but Kurt was already asleep again when they arrived at a small motel. Jimaine woke him and she and Stefan helped him into their room while their mother pulled a bag from the trunk and unlocked the door.

She shut the door behind locked it securely while Jimaine and Stefan lowered Kurt into a chair. She got a bottle of water, put a straw in it, and held it to his cracked lips. He drank thirstily.

Jimaine warmed up a cup of chicken noodle soup in the room's microwave, then brought it and a plastic spoon to her mother. Margali spoon-fed Kurt the soup.

"Good boy," Margali cooed. She couldn't help herself from praising him with each bite, like she used to do when he was an infant. He looked so tired, as if eating took so much effort, and she knew he hadn't heard any kind words in the year he'd been gone. He deserved some praise, even if it was just for eating.

She wiped his mouth for him when soup dribbled out of ther corners of his mouth and down his chin. He was tired, but eager to eat. The soup was so good and so warm. He hadn't had any decent food in quite awhile either.

"Have you had enough?" Margali asked once he started taking his food much more slowly than before, holding each bite in his mouth before finally swallowing with effort. He had been ravenous before and she had had to make him slow down.

He nodded, feeling like he was going to pop. He already had his mouth open for the next spoonful, but he was glad she stopped. He wouldn't have quit otherwise. Jardine had taught him that.

Margali put the cup down and stood up. "All right, good job. Let's go get you cleaned up and ready for bed." She helped Kurt up and took him to the bathroom.

"Mami's going to help you undress and get cleaned up, okay?" She was worried about leaving him alone. He couldn't even stand on his own.

Kurt nodded, resigned to the whole thing. He didn't like it, but he was now used to doing exactly what he was told. He had no other choice, and if his mother was telling him to do it, he must not be able to do it himself. He sat quietly on the toilet and relieved himself after his mother pulled off the filthy, crusty cutoffs he wore. She ran the bathwater and turned back to him when she noticed something strange. The letters _AJ _were scarred onto his hip.

_Amos Jardine_.

She gingerly touched the letters, but Kurt jerked away, a purple blush coloring his cheeks and ears. He dropped his head and shame and let his long hair cover his eyes.

"Kurt, what are these?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Burns." Kurt mumbled. He couldn't bring himself to admit that he had been branded, but it was obvious. He had the circus owner's initials on him.

Her heart broke and she swallowed the bile that made its way to her throat. She had to push on. "I'm so sorry, _Liebling_." She paused to stave off tears and changed the subject. "You need clean clothes. Jimaine! Stefan!" She called. "Will one of you bring your brother some clean clothes?" She covered Kurt with a towel while they waited.

"Here you go, Mama." Jimaine stuck her head in the door with the clothes they had bought for him at the start of their journey to find him.

"Thank you, _Liebchen_." Margali took the clothes from her daughter and shut the door before turning to Kurt. "Let's get you in the tub."

Margali gave up on the bath idea and drained the water, as it had already turned a muddy brown. She settled on running the water and pouring it over him with a plastic cup when he needed a rinse. He was covered in mud, blood, vomit, and excrement, not to mention the bugs. She scrubbed him until she thought she might have scrubbed him raw, but the filth still clung to his fur. She sighed. "I'm sorry, Kurt. I think we need to shave your fur."

Kurt just dropped his eyes and stayed silent.

Margali took a new razor from its packaging, covered him in shaving cream, and went to work, short, blue hair clogging the drain. She had to change razors a few times, but she got all of the filth off, along with almost all of his fur.

Finally, his bath was done and she took him out to dry him off. He was too weak to do an effective job himself. After rubbing him as dry as she could with a towel, she pulled out a blow-dryer.

Kurt sat silently on the toilet lid as she dried him. By now, he was somewhat used to having someone else bathe him, though he still hated it. This was better, though. In the freak show, he was chained outside while he was bathed like a dog, on all fours with cold water from a hose, then toweled off and left damp. They didn't even try to get all of the filth off like his mother had. They had just washed it.

After drying him, Margali wrapped him in a towel and tended to his wounds, applying herbs, creams, oils, and poultices where needed. She bandaged any open wounds and ran her hands over him to check for broken bones. Her hands hit a few sore spots, bruises mostly, but she found what she suspected to be cracked ribs. She had dealt with broken bones of his before, and wrapped his ribs for him. There was really very little they could do except wait and let the bones heal.

"Here, let's get dressed now." She said, holding up a pair of brand new underwear, with the tail hole already cut out. She helped him dress, then sat him back down to comb his hair. "How about we cut it?" She asked, holding up a matted strand.

Kurt nodded his assent.

She placed a towel over his shoulders and secured it around his neck, then took a pair of scissors and began to cut his hair. He needed it short anyway. He had both lice and fleas. She was glad she had anticipated that, as sick as it made her, and had bought lice shampoo and flea soap. She had hated to use the flea shampoo on him, as it was actually for dogs, but she couldn't find any for humans, but she had also washed him in regular, scented soap and shampoo a few times too, so perhaps it wasn't too terrible.

Kurt blinked away a few stray hairs that fell into his eyes before his mother brushed them away. He had had his hair cut once or twice in the freak show, though it was nothing more than a hack job. He'd heard one of the workers say he needed it so they customers could see his ugly face.

"There. Now we can see your handsome face." Margali smiled, dusting the fallen hairs away. She ran a comb through his hair and placed her hand under his chin to tilt his face up toward her. She smiled sweetly at him. "And you are _very_ handsome."

Kurt smiled back weakly. "Thank you, Mama."

"You're welcome, Baby." She leaned down and hugged him, kissing his head.

That was the moment that it all became real to Kurt. Through everything else, he had been questioning, wondering if it was all a dream, though, in his dreams they always skipped the feeding, the bath, and the haircut. He just magically was clean and healthy again. And home. Everything went back to normal as if he'd never been in the freak show at all. Perhaps his drug-induced haze was lifting, or perhaps it was the smell of her perfume or the feel of her soft kisses, but at that moment, he knew it was real. Without prelude, Kurt found himself crying, his arms reaching out to hold onto his mother for dear life.

Margali pulled back and wiped away his tears. After all he'd been through, he deserved to cry, but it still broke her heart. "Is something wrong, Kurti? Are you hurt?"

"Thank you, Mami. Thank you. I missed you so much!" He leaned forward and buried his face in her stomach and held on tight.

Margali let her own tears fall while she held her son, her arms wrapped tightly around him. "I missed you too. I'm so glad to have you back." She kissed his freshly-cut hair.

"I love you, Mami." Kurt sobbed.

"I love you too, Kurti." Margali held him until his tears were dried, then took a tissue and cleaned his face for him. She kissed him one last time before helping him up. "Let's go brush our teeth, all right?"

Kurt nodded and followed her out. She unwrapped a toothbrush from its packaging and handed it to him. She figured he could brush his teeth by himself, though he stuck it in his mouth before wetting it or applying toothpaste. He blushed when his mother corrected him. It had been so long since he'd brushed his teeth. He hadn't forgotten, he just was still foggy.

"Good boy," Margali said once Kurt was finished. She handed him a plastic cup of water to rinse his mouth with. "Careful not to splash."

It turned out that she didn't need to remind him to try not to splash the water when he spit it out because he drank it. Oh well, it wouldn't hurt him. "Are you thirsty, _Kleine_?" She asked, wondering if she needed to go get another bottle of water.

He shook his head.

"All right. Well, let's go to the bathroom one more time before bed." She guided him into the bathroom, then stepped out and called to him as she was shutting the door. "Call me when you're finished."

Jimaine and Stefan were lying on her bed, talking with the TV on. Margali sat down with them.

"How is he?" Jimaine asked. She and Stefan had been talking about their brother.

Margali sighed. "I don't know. He's just…different. Resigned, I think, is more like it. No protests about anything. Nor arguing. He hardly even talks."

Stefan and Jimaine grew silent. Their brother was a born motor-mouth. He could talk to a tree for hours. He could talk to a tree for hours, and he _always_ had an opinion.

"Do you think he _will_ be okay, Mama?" Stefan asked.

"I hope so. He did cry a bit in the bathroom, after I cut his hair. That was good for him, I think." Margali recalled.

"He needs to cry." Jimaine agreed. "It'll help him work through it."

Stefan nodded. "I was expecting a lot more crying. I mean, it's Kurt."

"He's a changed boy." Margali told her eldest. "I don't know what to expect."

"Mama!"

Margali glanced in the direction of her youngest's voice. "I'll be right back." And with that, she went to go help Kurt.

Jimaine sighed. "I guess I'll go get ready for bed." She took her pajamas from her open suitcase and headed for the bathroom.

"I think we should all start getting ready for bed. Jimaine, I'm going to let Kurt sleep with me, so you and Stefan will have to share a bed." Margali instructed her daughter. She stood at the sink outside of the bathroom with Kurt, helping him stand to wash his hands.

"Okay, Mama." Jimaine answered as she entered the bathroom.

Stefan stripped off his shirt and changed into his pajama pants. He didn't care if his other or brother saw him in his underwear.

"Come on, Liebling." Margali guided him to her bed and sat him down. "Lie down, now." She covered him up and kissed his forehead.

Kurt closed his eyes and tried to relax. He knew he was too old for such a thing, but he really was happy to be sleeping next to his mother. He'd wanted her so badly all during the freak show. All of his life, she had been his comfort. She stayed with him and kept him company when all the other kids went out, she comforted him when the other kids were cruel to him, and she staved off his loneliness. He'd missed her so much. Everything was all right when she was with him.

She adjusted the covers once more as he curled up underneath them, his head in her lap. She rubbed his back. "Do you need anything, _Kleine_? Socks? Tail sock? Extra blanket?"

Kur though of how much he'd wanted each of those things while he was in the bad circus, even the tail sock, which was a handmade garment that he used to wear when he was younger to keep his tiny tail warm. It was an embarrassment that he had sworn he would never wear again once he hit the ripe old age of ten years old, but in the bad circus, when the weather was cold and the weather was numb, he'd longed for one. Tonight, though, he was warm and content. He shook his head.

"All right. Good night, Kurt. I'm so glad to have you back. I love you." Margali gazed down into his once-bright eyes, now clouded with drugs and fatigue.

"I love you too, Mama. Good night." Kurt answered.

"Sweet dreams." Margali smiled.

Jimaine finished changing and emerged from the bathroom to brush her teeth.

"I've got to get up for a minute, Baby." Margali looked down at the boy in her lap.

Kurt clutched her skirt in his hands. "No, Mama, please don't leave me. Please." He begged.

"I have to, baby boy. How about Jimaine comes and sits with you until I get back? Will that be okay?" She asked.

"But I want you." Kurt pleaded. He couldn't help the sudden rush of anxiety at the thought of her leaving him. He knew it was irrational, even a bit childish, but now that he had her back, he really didn't want her to go away again.

"Kurt, I've got to go to the bathroom. I can't stay. It'll only be a minute. I'll come right back. I promise." Margali bargained with him. She hated to upset him, but she couldn't stay with him every second.

"Okay." Kurt ceded, defeated.

"Jimaine, will you come sit with your brother, please?" Margali asked, getting up. Kurt was still holding onto her.

"Come here, Kurt. Let her go change." Jimaine said, taking a seat next to Kurt and taking his hands in her own, freeing their mother.

"I want Mama!" His eyes began to feel with tears. What if he was wrong earlier? What if it was a dream and she would leave and he would wake up, never to see her again? Even if that wasn't true, he still needed her comfort. He didn't want her to go. Not even for a second.

Margali leaned down and kissed him. "I'll be right back. Be good for Mama."

Kurt shed silent tears as she turned from him and closed the bathroom door behind her.

"It's okay, Kurt. She's coming right back." Jimaine stroked her brother's hair.

"And you've got us," Stefan put in, taking a seat on the other side of Kurt.

"We really missed you." Jimaine added.

"I missed you too." Kurt told them, not bothering to wipe his tears.

"We've been looking for you ever since you went missing." Stefan said, propping himself up on his elbow.

Kurt stayed silent, the tears flowing now because of the overwhelming emotions inside of him. The people at the bad circus had convinced him that his family didn't care. It had been so long. No one was coming for him. They were better off that he was gone. They were glad to be rid of him. He hadn't believed at first, but as time went on, hearing it so much, and with no way to prove otherwise, he had begun to believe it. Now he knew better. None of it was true. They had been looking for him. They wanted him. They loved him. "I love you guys," he finally managed, fighting the sobs threatening to overtake him.

"We love you too, Kurt." Jimaine wiped one of his tears away.

"We do, Kurt. We love you so much." Stefan added, smiling at his younger brother.

Margali rejoined them, having changed into her nightgown and brushed her teeth and hair. "Aw, Kurti," she cooed, taking a tissue and cleaning his teary face and snotty nose. "Shhh, it's okay now." She bent down and kissed him. "Mami loves you." She straightened and hugged and kissed her daughter. "And Mami loves you."

"Love you too, Mami." Jimaine returned her mother's affection.

Next, she went to her eldest son and hugged and kissed him, brushing his dark curls back from his face. "And Mami loves you."

"Love you too, Mama." Stefan replied, kissing his mother's cheek and returning her hug.

Margali smiled and went to her side of the bed, trading places with Jimaine, who crawled in her own bed, next to Stefan.

"Goodnight, my babies." Margali smiled, glad to be able to say that to _all_ of her children. Kurt gravitated towards her and snuggled up to her, very much in need of her comfort and closeness. She leaned over and gave him one last kiss, for she had a whole year of lost kisses and hugs to make up for, and put her arm around him, her hand resting on the crown of his head.

They all were exhausted from the day's excitement and fell asleep within minutes.


	3. Chapter 3

Kurt woke up, warm and comfortable. For a fraction of a second, he forgot where he was, but the sight of his mother before him quickly reminded him. His head rested upon her shoulder and his body was pressed against her side. He adjusted himself to get more comfortable and rested an arm across her stomach. His tail uncurled from his leg and draped over hers.

For the first time in a very long time, Kurt felt happy. He idly wondered how long it was since he had last laid in a real bed, with blankets and pillows and a mattress. He hadn't asked how long he had been gone, but it seemed like an eternity. He was afraid to know the answer, to know how much time he had lost. He quickly banished the thoughts from his mind, as he felt his happiness fade because of them. He wanted to hold onto that. Instead, he focused on the here and the now. He was _in _a warm bed with blankets and pillows and a mattress, with his mother, with his brother and sister across from him. He was going home again. He smiled as he felt the warmth and happy feelings return, and closed his eyes, letting himself drift back to sleep, finally safe and free from the constant fear of what could happen at any moment. No one was coming for him. There would be no beatings. No gawking crowds. No "performances". He was safe.

Kurt woke up again, hours later. He was still curled up on the soft mattress and wrapped in the warm covers, but his mother was gone. He struggled to sit up. "Mama?"

"Right here, _Baby_?" Margali emerged from around the corner, near the sink. She sat down next to him and ran a hand over his hair. "How are you this morning? Or should I say afternoon?" She smiled at him.

Afternoon? How long had he slept? "Good." He answered anyway, though he didn't actually feel "good". He was just happy.

"Good." She smiled, continuing to stroke his hair. "Are you hungry?"

He nodded, though he was keenly aware of a strong pressure in his bladder. "Can I go to the bathroom first, please?"

"Of course you may. Do you need any help or do you think you can stand today?" She asked, wondering if she would have to take him to the bathroom again, and if so, how long would it take for him to start becoming more independent again.

Kurt shook his head and shakily slid out of bed. He wanted to do this himself. Discouragingly, he fell back on his bottom.

"Come here," Margali said, looping an arm underneath his and around his back, grasping him from the other side. She helped him stand and put his arm over her shoulders to help support his weight. She was worried. He hadn't been this shaky last night, just unsteady. Nevertheless, she guided him to the bathroom and helped him when he needed it.

After he had been to the bathroom, she sat him in a chair and made a bowl of instant oatmeal for him.

"Can I try?" He asked, holding out his hand for the spoon.

"Of course, _Liebchen_. Here you go."

He took the spoon with a shaking hand, grasping it awkwardly. He didn't make it to his mouth before the oatmeal slopped onto his shirt. He looked down at it with dismay.

"It's okay, _Baby_." Margali consoled, wiping the mess away with a napkin. She took another unfolded napkin and tucked it into his collar like a bib. "Try again."

This time, Kurt managed to get oatmeal on his face before dropping it to his chest. "I can't do it!" He wailed, tears rising to his golden eyes.

"Shhh, hush now, little one." His mother cooed, gently cleaning away the food from his face. "You'll get better. You're just not yourself right now. You've been in that awful cage too long, but it will come back. Don't you worry. It will come back." She took the spoon and dipped it into the steaming food, then held it to his lips. "Besides, you may be sick or hurt. That might have something to do with it." She kept her tone calm, but she really was quite worried.

Kurt took the bite with a resigned look. "May I have something to drink, please?"

"Of course. Jimaine, Stefan. Will one of you fix your brother a cup of milk, please?" Margali called, feeding Kurt another spoonful. "Make sure you put a straw in it."

"You know, I have been wondering," Stefan spoke up as he poured a cup of milk for Kurt. "How were they keeping you in that cage in the first place, Kurt? I mean, with your disappearing trick and all…"

"And where would he have gone, Stefan?" Margali interrupted, taking the cup and holding it for Kurt to drink. Shaky as he was, he would definitely spill his milk if she let him hold it.

Kurt swallowed the cold liquid and spoke. "_Medicine_." He spat the word. "They gave me _medicine_ that made my mind all foggy. I…still am. It's hard to think, to move. It makes me want to sleep., but it _burns_ when they give it to me. At least if they give me a shot of it, when I'm bad. I know they put it in my water too. I saw them."

"Well, that would explain this, then." Margali said, gesturing to the setup of her feeding Kurt.

Kurt nodded. "I'm sorry, though. I wish I could do it."

Margali leaned forward and patted his knee. "You've nothing to be sorry for, my love."

"It may get worse, though." Jimaine's abrupt statement caused everyone to stare at her. Kurt looked scared.

"If he's been on the drugs for the entire time he's been gone, a whole _year_, maybe his body's gotten used to them. He's going to have to detox, and _that's_ not going to be fun." She explained.

"Mama, what's 'detox'?" Kurt asked, worriedly.

"Well, it's when a person's body gets rid of toxins. It's short for 'detoxify', so your body's going to have to get rid of the bad things in it, the toxins, or the medicine they gave you. Sometimes, detoxing makes people sick." Margali explained as gently as she could.

Kurt dropped his head into his hands in resigned misery.

"We'll get through it." Margali stated strongly, reassuring him. "We've got nothing to fear. We'll get through it. Now, let's quit worrying about the future for right now and finish our breakfast, hmmm? The oatmeal is going to get cold." She reached under her son's chin to tilt his head up.

Kurt nodded, his eyes lifeless and dull with dread and resignation. "Okay."

Margali smiled and placed the full spoon into Kurt's mouth, but inside, she knew things were about to get a whole lot worse.

Margali was right. Things did get worse. Kurt had been sick for four days now, and they had been in this tiny motel room for five, having checked in the day they arrived in town and rescued Kurt. He was vomiting, sweating, aching, and running a fever, not to mention the few accidents he'd had while in this state. He was still shaky and unsteady, his balance totally off. He could hardly walk at all, or really do anything for himself, and it did absolutely nothing for his mood. He was angry, sad, volatile, and every other emotion in between. He had outbursts when he couldn't do something for himself, sobbing and calling himself an invalid. He even threw his dinner across the room once because he couldn't feed himself, which ended in remorseful sobs and pleas for forgiveness. She couldn't forget his eyes after he had snatched the bowl away and thrown it. They became so wide, his fear so real. He began to tremble and cower as he begged for forgiveness. She'd had to hold him for an hour before he calmed down. His clinginess and separation anxiety got worse. She could hardly leave him at all now. He didn't even like her out of his sight. He always wanted to be close to her.

And now she had to go grocery shopping. She hoped they could leave soon. None of them could take much more of the close confines of the motel room, but as of right now, they had nowhere else to go.

Kurt screamed and cried, held down by his older brother while their mother slipped out the door and scurried into the car. She had to be fast. Kurt needed her to be.

Meanwhile, Stefan and Jimaine worked to calm their little brother. At first, he had to be physically restrained, though he was so weak, it didn't take much. They could be thankful, though, that because he'd had to exert so much effort trying to fight and get himself free, he wore himself out a lot faster. Eventually, they got him settled with a movie. He would sit quietly and watch the movie as long as they were sitting next to him.

"Mama!" He cried out in relief as the door to their little motel room opened, revealing Margali.

"Hi, my darlings." Margali smiled tiredly at her three children, all sitting together on her bed, watching T.V.. Kurt was in the middle, nestled under the blankets and propped up by pillows.

"Stefan, Jimaine, will you go unload the groceries from the car?" She asked, sitting down in a chair to rest.

"Mama," Kurt called, in a bit of a whiney tone.

"Coming." She replied, pulling herself up and going to sit with him. She grabbed a water bottle on her way over and took a sip. "Did we have any problems while I was gone?"

Kurt shook his head, smiling. He was happy to have her back.

"Have you been to the bathroom?" She asked.

He shook his head again.

"All right. Then let's go."

Margali put Kurt back into bed once they returned from the bathroom. Stefan and Jimaine had already unpacked all of the groceries and put them away.

"What's got you so upset?" Stefan asked, noticing the pronounced pout Kurt wore.

"I went from being an animal to an invalid." He brooded.

"No, _Baby_," Margali tried to comfort him, but he cut her off.

"You're right, Mama. I _am_ a baby. I can't walk. I can't feed myself. I can't even go to the bathroom by myself!"

"Kurti, hush. You're getting too loud." Margali knew he was going to have this outburst He was in one of his moods, but she didn't want noise complaints. "You're not a baby. You know you're _my_ baby. _My_ little one. All of you are .It doesn't mean you're actually a baby." She kept her voice low and even, hoping he would do the same.

Instead the tears came. "I can't do anything!" Sob. "I can't do _anything!_"

"Shhh, shhh, Kurti. Hush." Margali pulled him into her arms and gently rocked him. "You can't right now, but it's not your fault. You will be able to do those things again, but it's those stupid drugs they had you on. It's not you. You'll get better, I promise."

"We've still got to take him to the doctor. Maybe they can help."

"_WHAT_?" Kurt struggled away from his mother. "A doctor? Mama, why am I going to a doctor? I don't want to go to a doctor! Please, don't make me go! Please, Mama, please! I'll be good!"

Margali rushed to calm her hysterical child. "You're not going to a doctor, Kurt. No doctor." She lied. "Calm down now. Just calm down. You've got to be quiet." She kept wanting to be frustrated with him, but she knew she couldn't. It wasn't his fault after all. It would only hurt him more. He already flinched at sudden movements and thought he would be punished for just about anything. She couldn't risk raising her voice in the slightest, or even letting a hint of the frustration she felt into it.

"No doctor?" Kurt whimpered, letting her hold him once more.

"No doctor." She reaffirmed, though she knew she would regret it later. It would definitely hurt the trust he had in her, but he didn't need to think about this now. Eventually, she would have to take him to a doctor, though. In order for Kurt to become legal in the U.S., he had to get a physical and receive vaccinations. Margali had ceded to the requirements when she had explained to Immigration Services why she was coming to the U.S. and why she wanted to stay. It infuriated her to no end that the agents she spoke to offered little help in finding her son, that he had been stolen from her and she was trying to find him. They told her that it was "her mutant, her problem" and they couldn't be bothered to help a "mutie", but they granted her and her children passports anyway.

"Then why would she mention it? Why would she say I was going to a doctor if I'm not?" Kurt sobbed.

"Just forget it, Kurt. There's no doctor." Margali repeated.

Stefan had had enough. Kurt had been through a lot, but so had the rest of them. This wasn't easy on any of them, and he could hardly maintain the façade of calm anymore. "Because we're not going home!" He boomed, louder than he had intended. He couldn't deny Kurt's constant whining, sobbing, and infantile need for Margali's comfort and reassurance had been grating on him.

Margali looked up at him in shock. She'd told them to keep quiet about that part. Kurt wasn't ready to hear it.

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked through trembling, tear-soaked lips.

Margali gave Stefan an stern look, but he pressed on. "We're staying in the U.S.. Mama had to sell the circus to get us here and try to find you. She says we'll have better chances here. We have nothing to go back to in Germany."

Kurt stared at his brother with teary, confused eyes. "But…but I thought we were going home." His voice was quiet, a red flag in its own right.

Stefan pressed his lips together in a line. This wasn't easy on him either. "There is no 'home'. We don't have a home in Germany, anymore. It's gone. Mama sold it."

The entire room was silent, waiting, sick with worry as Stefan's words died in the air. Kurt simply stared in disbelief at Stefan for a few more seconds before collapsing into the loudest, most sorrowful, painful wails any of them had ever heard, short of the sounds each of them had made on the night they discovered Kurt was missing. Kurt fell onto his mother, holding on for dear life. He felt like he should be angry that she sold his home, that they had let him believe they had a home to go back to, and that they would be there soon, but he couldn't. She'd done it for him. It was his fault. They should all be mad at him. They would still have a home if it weren't for him, if she'd never taken him it. It was his fault.

All he felt was devastation. Home was gone. Nothing would ever be the same, yet that was all that he had been wanting, for things to go back to the way they were. The reality he'd dreamed of and was finally coming to realize was ripped out from beneath him, his dreams shattering and crashing down around him, broken, too damaged for repair. He was not going home. His home, his friends, his circus family: they were all gone.

Margali held him, apologizing for what she'd had to do in order to save him, until he started gagging. She was able to get a bag for him to be sick in, but he started complaining that his face tingled and he felt dizzy. She helped him breathe and calm down, after which, he promptly fell asleep, having emotionally exhausted himself. She looked wearily at her other two children. "Well, at least that's over with."

"I'm sorry, Mama. I didn't mean-" Stefan apologized.

"It's okay, Baby. It had to happen sometime. I guess now was as good of a time as any." Margali tried to comfort her eldest now.

"I'm sorry too, Mama. I brought up the bit about the doctor." Jimaine added, tears in her own green eyes.

Margali glanced at the sleeping boy next to her. "I think he forgot about that."

"Still, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said it. I-" Jimaine continued her apology, head drooping.

"_Ja_, me too." Stefan interrupted his sister, knowing exactly how she was feeling, but not able to find the words. He doubted she would be able to either.

Margali stood and hugged her two older children. She knew this hadn't been easy on them either. "It's okay, my darlings. It's getting rough right now, but it will get better. You two have been through a lot and you have been very brave and very strong. And I'm proud of you." She placed her hands on their cheeks. "But don't worry, my loves. It will all work out."

She truly hoped it would, but it was only an hour later when the nightmares started.

5


End file.
